I was reading an article quoted from Washington Post which was authored by one Deborah Tennen of Georgetown University. It appeared in the New Indian Express. She almost took all the words from my mouth. I also feel the same as she wrote about herfather.
I was in Court today. I was sitting with quite a few junior members with a few sprinklings of senior members. I was feeling very young and talking to them almost in their language. I do not know what had happened. Suddenly one of the junior members asked me, sir when are you celebrating your golden jubilee in legal profession. I was shocked. What me and golden jubilee. Am I so old. Yes, externally, I am going bald and whatever hair that have remained , have gone grey. Early in the morning immediately after shave and bath, I always apply hair oil to my hair thinking that they would give a shade of black colour. But it does not, but I console myself that it does. The mirror without which I could not live has become my enemy No.1. That does not mean I am afraid of becoming old. I am not which is evident from the hair as i do not use dye to blacken them to look young as it has become the fashion of the day. i decided that i should grow with my age. I am glad it did bring me sufficient glory. But now since majority of Indian population is young, below 30 years, I feel odd to look into a mirror. I become scared that I am moving away from the majority and that my method of functioning should change keeping in mind my age. Yes, I was told by some persons that you should maintain dignity in your walk and talk because you are no more young to be boistrous. This makes me scared of old age.
The most curious point is that I do not feel that I have become old. I still feel that there is no change in my attitude and interest. i still love travelling, reading, talking and leading a carefree life. But the age is staring at me. It cautions me and if I want to be fast, it applies break and says do not run, you may fall. Something in me says that be careful while walking and it pulls you back. You cannot bend as your back pains.
Old age however one may try to ignore, will not allow one to ignore it. However young one may try to pretend, yet his limbs caution him, thus far no further. That is the difference between the young and the old. What one would have done without second thoughts, he will not do it when he is advanced in age, even if he is cajoled or provoked to do. But still one does not think he is old. He still feels he is young and he still thinks that there is still a long life before him, though he daily reads in the newspapers that his benchmate in the school, his class mate or his contemporary or his acquaintance has or have left this blessed world. I never knew how difficult it was to reconcile this by remaining in the same environment and among the same friends who have seen me as a kid, as young man, as an adult and as a middle aged person and now as a person who has grey hair. Perhaps our rishis always prepared for this period in their whole life time. That is why I think last part of life is called vanaprashta. Because it takes you out of day to day life You live an unattached life and in seclusion. This is the most difficult part of ones life because he knows that the end is nearer and one cannot walk too far, though he sees the long path before him which he knows he cannot traverse. This is life! Path is long but vision is short!!!